Now even as I write this, I know I should be really embarrassed to tell people this story… but as we all know… I’m shameless J anywho “The Day I Stalked Jason Segel”… So before I even left the United States, my wonderful friend Megan lade saw on twitter that Jason Segel would be at the preimere of the Muppets in Sydney the week of the 19th of December. So immediately, first thing my brain thought of was, “So I’ll be stalking Jason…” How creepy is that? I know, just wait you will be astounded with my creepiness.
Lets give a minor background… IM OBSESSED WITH JASON SEGEL. For those of you who don’t know who he is 1.) SHAME ON YOU B.) He is the wonderful actor who plays Marshall on “How I met your mother” my favorite TV show… he has also acted in films such as “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” “Gulliver’s Travels,” “Knocked up,” and now “The Muppets.” He is hilarious and honestly I think he is like Hella-sexy. So in my mind the plan was “Oh this will be easy… stalk Jason… stage a chance run in once I find him… strike up conversation… have him fall in love with me… marriage.” Pretty standard plan. And yes you might be wondering, “Hmmm I thought jordyn was in her 20’s… that sounds like a plan for a 12 year old girl.” Well you know what negative Nancy?!DREAM BIG! (Not you Grandma Nancy if you are reading this… just the expression)? Back to the story…
So I started following Jason on twitter to see if he tweeted like his whereabouts in Sydney. So I knew immediately when he arrived. I set my plan for my stalking attack the next day after work. The original plan in my head was “put yourself in a place where he might potentially be and if you run into him great… if not, no worries” pretty normal, non-crazy idea right? At this point you probably aren’t questioning my sanity. Just wait… So I leave work and head towards the city. At the train station, they hand out free newspapers constantly and I never grab one…Like have yet to grab one since this day… I have no idea what made me grab one but I did. Sit on the train, open the first page and there is a picture of Jason attached to an interview he had given while he was in Sydney. And here is where I take a turn for the worse. In my defense it is kind of a long train ride so it kept me occupied but still I may need to seek help.
I realize in the background of his picture he looks like he is in the lobby of a hotel….Soooooo I start immediately google imaging “Sydney hotel lobbies” haha yes this is entirely factual. Funnily enough I find about 3 places where that lobby could be located and they were close together. So I got off the train and walked to the hotel (I’m talking like going majorly out of my way). So as I am creepily walking around the outskirts of these hotels, realizing that they are super nice and of course have security, I think “shit… plan fail.” I manage to sneak into 2 lobbies… both of which weren’t correct which means I think he was staying in the third but can’t be 100% on that. So after about an hour of just wandering around I start to think… “Jordyn, look at you… look at your life right now… you are pathetic. LIT-CHER-ALLY stalking someone. Your shoes are giving you blisters and you are not even being a very successful stalker. (Now if facebook stalking translated into real stalking I’m sure Jason and I would be married by now) GO HOME.” And yes I talk to myself like that. But since I was in the city anyway I figured I’d go to my happy place, which is the opera house. I go there when I feel sad/homesick to remind me that I am in Sydney Australia and to suck it up because life is awesome. So as I’m walking up to the opera house… I SHIT YOU NOT… from probably 400m away I see a tall guy in a black jacket that I was like….hmmm I think that is legit Jason Segel. But he was at a distance so I convinced myself again I was an idiot. So as the person in question is getting closer I start to realize…. Holy shit… that is definitely Jason Segel. But he was walking with a woman…. Who not to talk trash but lady, you are walking with Jason Segel…. At least put on real clothes (looked like she was wearing orange pajama pants) that match and wash your hair. Jealous much? So he and anonymous female walk past me….He looks in my direction for a split second then continues on in his convo… At this point I have stopped walking and I’m staring mouth agape just at the two of them. MOUTH AGAPE! I hear his voice as he walks past me and I like almost pass out. At that point, I’m most in shock that I found him… for real…. End goal completed. So I’m like what do I do?!?! So naturally creeper jordyn waits a second, turns 180 degrees and follows them… I didn’t think it through what my next step would be if I actually found him let alone if he was with someone. So I set out at a pretty good actual stalker pace behind them. I get out my camera… get up the nerve to ask him for a picture and legit a like teenage skater dude cuts in front of me and was like “Jason, what’s up man? Can I have a pic?” Anonymous female (AF) was like want me to take it, turns around and looks directly at me, holding my camera with my mouth half open like I was going to speak. So I look from her to Jason and saw the look of annoyance on Jason’s face that he had to pose for a pic with this boy so I bailed. I just kept walking… AF could totally tell what my intentions were and that I pussed out… the look of pity she gave me was priceless. (Really AF, Really? You look like a hag…)
So the best part is that I am then walking in front of them… Slowly. Like almost next to them…I can hear everything about their conversation. (He was discussing this beautiful love song… blah blah romantic shit that only made me love him more) So I considered for a moment asking for a pic but then I realized I had my one shot and if I asked now I would just look like a bigger A-hole so I just bailed. Watched him walk off into the heart of the city with AF. Considered following them but was like nope that is where I draw the line… At least I have some boundaries right? haha
So moral of the story is… without attempting to stalk Jason Segel like a creeper at his hotel I wouldn’t have run into him in public and seen the glory of his essence in person. Also I AM like the ginger in wedding crashers… when I say “I’ll FIND YOU” I mean it… And I will succeed. J
