Is This Real Life?

First, let me start by again thanking all my wonderful friends and family for making my departure as easy (well hard because you all are so awesome i dont want to leave you) as possible. I love you all... Now to the fun part, the chaos that is my life. So after bawling hysterically by my gate (had plenty of people getting up from surrounding seats and moving it was great) they start boarding and i see there are far too many people with huge carryons...I know this wont end well.. so they finally call my zone (of course it is the last one called) and i get on first in my zone and still all the overhead bins are full. I was the lucky one who found that out and had to walk all the way to the back of the plane when i was in row 12 then walk all the way back to the front.. needless to say people hated me. I felt like ben stiller when he refuses to gate check his bag... the lady was like "we'll have these pushed through to your final destination" i was like my final destination is sydney australia. "Oh.... well maybe you should try keeping this with you" Obviously lady if i could keep it with me i wouldnt be giving it to you... So I ask "what are the odds of me actually getting this in Sydney" "Oh i promise it will get there" "Sure lady..."      
           25 hours of uneventful flight later (slept, watched 8 episodes of mike and molly, funny i recommend it).... oh sidebar: the boy in the window seat actually stood on the seat next to me and jumped over my passed out body... i woke up to the thud he made when he landed... pretty funny... but other than that uneventful. I get off the plane some B word tries to cut me in the customs line, i about cut her... but oh wait, my razors were in my carry on. Get to the baggage claim area... my 3 checked bags show up almost immediately (blessing) but then i have to wait until theyve unloaded every bad to realize yep mine of course isnt there... just as predicted. So then i have to deal with baggage claim (ps everything in an airport is more manageable when spoken in an aussie accent) make it through the second half of customs and then start wandering looking for the "meeting point" where my shuttle from the university should be waiting for me. Ya he wasnt there... so i start asking everyone. I end up sitting for 1 hour, the whole time not panicking at all (ya right) and FINALLY the dude shows up. we have an awkward like half mile hike to his van with my 3 huge bags (yes this is all super sketchy... pretty sure my life will be super sketchy for the next 3 years) and he proceeds to drive me to the address I hope is real from the lady i am supposed to live with.
        The house is 2b right.. well it sits between 2a and 2 but it is off the road so i almost walked into the wrong house. Me and my shuttle driver then proceeded to lift my 50 pound bags over our heads to get through the cluttered driveway and into the house where i meet my new roommate. She is 61 and polish. And by that i mean straight from Poland. And so begins my adventure that is Rena....
She shows me to my room which is bigger than expected with lots of storage space (win) shes gabbering away about the house (which is lovely) so im pretty excited thinking "I actually pulled it off! I found a decent house that exists from 2 hemispheres away!!" Then she starts showing me around..."there are no screens in the windows because this is a green house... which means we dont use air or heat inside so windows are open all the time... when it gets moist outside there can be cockroaches... and be careful cause they fly" oh great... not just cockroaches but flying cockroaches (which ive already killed 3... wonderful) and then she proceeds to show me a huuuuuuggggeee spider on the wall. "you dont kill these spiders... they eat the mosquitos that come in (because again i have no screens)" cockroaches and spiders. awesome... now to my favorite part about the house... the shower. It is LITERALLY just a showerhead on a wall. there are no doors. there is no curtain. there is a drain in the floor. so i look curiously at this wondering if im confused... then i look over and see a squeegy. But we'll here more on that later.
So Rena tells me she will give me a ride into a neighboring suburb to open my bank account...get my cell phone and groceries...etc... So just to give you a taste of what this lady is like, she has been complaining since I arrived how busy she is and how she is running late (she is always every time i see her running late for something). So she drops me off on the street corner near the bank and says i have to fend for myself on how to get home... sweet. So i go in the bank and im escorted to a back cubicle where we start getting my accounts started... its been 25 minutes of banter with the bank guy and i look up and Rena is standing next to me trying to tell me about vegetables. That means she not only found parking (which there isnt much) walked all the way to the bank, then wandered around the store until she found me, all while she is running late mind you... to tell me about vegetables. Then she just walks out! The bank guy didnt even know what to say. it was pretty hilarious. As ive previously stated that is just a taste of this woman.
So next i go to get my cell phone where i made friends with the guy selling me my cell phone (He is currently in my phone as "cell phone danny") haha he is old and has a white mullet... we bonded over some micheal jackson "P.Y.T." in the store... the whole time he is trying to set me up with his son (who later he asked if he could give him my phone number (must be a perk of working in a cell phone store) and my response was "sure i have no friends"... have yet to hear from him... this is my life)... anyways i leave go to the grocery... have my first wonderful experience lugging groceries on the bus. get to my bus stop and realize that to get back to my place i have to conquer a hill that should probably be found in san fransisco its so steep... FML. So grocery trips for the remainder of my stay at casa de rena should be great... This is my life... I better get used to it :).